June 24, 2018

I smell like tar. I think.

You see, recently I had this rash.

I think it came from a charm I had hanging around my neck — a charm that was perhaps made with a less-than-authentic metal.

Clearly the rash was the result of the chemicals or whatever was in the metal running straight down off where the charm lay when I took a shower… So you can probably figure out where the rash was.

I went to see my doctor and he gave me some cream to fix it.

The cream smells like tar. Actually it has some betadine in it, which explains the smell.

Then, the other day someone was chatting with me, when all of a sudden they said, “ooh, something smells nice.  What are you wearing?”

I don’t wear perfume, so that wasn’t it; I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my deodorant or my freshly brushed teeth; I’d taken a shower, as I do every morning, so I suppose it could have been my soap….

But what I really think it is is the oil I put in my hair.  It’s called Oro Fluido (it comes from Spain) and it reminds me of a very deep, fragrant wood.  I love it so much that sometimes I put it on my skin too.  I love it so much that when my hairdresser-friend May told me stores weren’t carrying it anymore, I immediately went on line and bought four bottles through Amazon—which will probably last me close to as many years.

Yep, must have been the Oro Fluido. 

Or was it?

Both these situations got me to thinking.  And I started to count the number of items with fragrance I put on every day.  Are you ready for this?

1. Shampoo: never the same two days in a row, as I alternate, but I wash my hair every morning (I’d look like a scarecrow if I didn’t);
2. Body wash: this is something new in the last couple of years, ever since I discovered Bath & Bodyworks;
3. Conditioner: usually compatible with the shampoo, but not always, and even so, a slightly different scent;
4. Soap: regular soap for my you-know-where parts;
5. Hair Oil: my good old Oro Fluido (or recently, a substitute May gave me that’s nice too);
6. Body oil or lotion: when you live in a place with consistently less than 50% humidity, you need some kind of skin cream or you will crack and turn to dust…or worse yet, look older than you are–no thank you;
7. Deodorant: speaking of which, don’t you hate when you’re in the store and you’re trying to buy the scent you had before and you get it home and you realize it’s not that one and you actually don’t like it?  And you bought the bigger size, so now you have to smell that smell for a month and a half or more?
8. Powder: for the parts that get sweaty during the day;
9. Hair spray: sometimes yes, sometimes no;
10. Toothpaste: because you want to start the day with clean breath, and somehow, all that other stuff doesn’t matter if your teeth feel fuzzy;
11. Chapstick or lip balm: I don’t wear lipstick, so I have to put this on several times a day. And anyway, lipstick usually  has a scent to it too;
12. Hand Soap: gotta wash my hands after tidying up after the visiting kitty;
13. Well, and for now, stinky betadine.

Now, if I was a perfume wearer, and if I counted my clothes (detergent and fabric sheet), I’d be up to 16 different scents on me, all before 9 am.

What the hell? 

So, how do people with a low tolerance or a real issue (like allergies) for aromas get themselves together every day?  I’d really like to know.

I mean, I know that in most cases, we are selecting products based on their smells. Witness my deodorant mis-purchase; I did pop the cap and smell the lid.  Obviously my nose was not functioning properly that day. 

And you can’t tell me you’ve never popped open the caps of the shampoos to smell them—you know, when you squeeze the bottle a little just a few times, just a little, to get the scent to waft up to your nose….or that you haven’t gone into one of those stores like Lush and sniffed everything in sight.  Heck, you can try every single scent that Bath & Bodyworks carries if you want—they’ve got that sink built in and all the testers out for you to try. Imagine how many scents you could walk out smelling like, if you wanted to?

So when someone compliments you and asks you what you’re wearing, I’d suggest you just mumble something about your deodorant or toothpaste or some other obscure item you use….and leave them wondering.

Am I the only one?  I can’t imagine I am, and I expect there are people who use more than I do.  Tell me if you do!