July 15, 2018

I went on my first solo trip in a very very long time last month.

I didn’t realize it at first, because I travel a lot of places by myself. I fly to New York to visit family and friends all the time and no one goes with me; I’ve been to Europe and all over Canada on business; I’ve gone many places, sometimes an adult alone, sometimes with a child in tow.

But as a friend explained to me today, this is the first time in a long time I’ve gone on vacation alone.

On the trips to New York, there’s always someone on the other end, and an expectation of what I will be doing in each circumstance, and it always seems to be pretty tightly scheduled, and there’s never enough time for everything and everyone.

And of course, traveling with a child–even though I’d usually meet up with his father along the way at some point in some foreign corner of the world–I still wasn’t really alone, and I certainly wasn’t doing exactly what I wanted to do, or hen or how I wanted to do it.

Funny, now that I reflect, I most often feel alone when I travel with someone. In my marriage, I was always the decision maker for us, whether it was choosing a hotel in France–a hotel that never seemed quite right…the location wasn’t perfect, the pillows weren’t fluffy enough; or choosing a restaurant where a picky eater could find something they liked that was never right either–the service was terrible, it was too expensive…it was always up to me. And now, looking back, I understand that being critical for some people is far more preferred to being criticized.

So what would it be like if the only person I had to satisfy… was me?

It had been so long since I really struck out on my own. When I was in my early 20s, I got it into my head that I was going to drive across the US by myself, from New York to Los Angeles. And so I did.

I headed west on interstates 90, 94 and 80, across the Mississippi first time ever, past South Dakota’s Corn Palace (a must see) and the stern faces of our forefathers on Mount Rushmore (always makes me want to watch North by Northwest), through the Badlands in the Black Hills and the inland desert and Crater Lake in Oregon, all the way to the Pacific Coast Highway.

Broke down in Wisconsin and marched through a farmers tobacco field (who knew they grew tobacco in Wisconsin?!) where I had a coffee with him and waited for the tow truck; The driver’s wife was from my hometown–what are the odds of that? I walked around Devils Tower and did the Close Encounters thing–it was popular then. I have a photo (note to self: get those pictures scanned) with a couple of army guys; I drove through my first mountain pass deep in the middle of Wyoming–boy, did I need a pit stop after that, which I took in the town of Ten Sleep–it might have been Dirty Sally’s or the Ten Sleep Saloon or the Bighorn Bar (I can’t recall, but they all must have bathrooms) and I watched Old Faithful do its thing.

I did it again a few years later; flew to LA and rented a car for a big tour of the American southwest. I saw London Bridge in Arizona, along with hundreds of massive Saguaro cacti throughout the deeper, southern part of the state. I slept in my car and woke up to all the stars in the universe in the middle of the night in Bryce Canyon National Park after thinking distances were less than they actually were. I made the mistake of taking a small mountain road in Colorado up over a pass and came back down in the town of Victor with a foot of snow on the ground…I walked into a funeral in progress at the post office; they graciously called the owner of the only hotel in town and she came out and let me in; I saw the four corners and almost ran out of gas at the Last Spike Monument at the great Salt Lake (thanks to the Rangers who sold me some!)

Now that I look back on it, I’m not sure what I was thinking, but I sure wasn’t afraid to strike out on my own. It was definitely a little crazy.

But both times my friend Mike was at the other end waiting to welcome me to the sunny beaches of the West Coast. He and his wife jay seemed to always be there to greet me–even last winter, when i paid a visit over the Christmas holidays.

And now, as I launch this new decade and I begin to take my travel seriously, I find myself without someone with me or someone on the other end waiting to welcome me.

And you know what? It’s fantastic.

I figure when you’re on your own, you can do what you want, when you want, and how you want. You can choose to spend your entire time on the couch watching TV or reading a book or you can get off your ass and get out there and see things. And believe me, if you want to avoid self-loathing, you will get up and get out. There’s not much worse than that investing time, money, and and the challenge of travel only look at the world from the inside of a room.

On this latest trip (which I’ll write about another time so you can make plans to visit yourself) I found a little piece of my 20 year old self. I did things alone an readily joined groups; I was out and about all day, every day, and I met so many wonderful people along the way I can’t even begin to count.

Being alone forces you to go out and connect with others, and it was great. And if you remind yourself there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely, you’ll always be just fine.

I think one of the highlights on this first solo trip was meeting an amazing group of women who were traveling together. They were all from Saskatchewan and a couple knew each other before the tour, and those that didn’t know the others were certainly friends with by the time the trip was over. And they seemed to be having a wonderful time. I chatted with them as we were pulling into a dock after a tour on the water, but then had to be on my way to my next destination.

Their leader on for this trip was a lady named June Bates and the company she runs is called TreadOn Travel–she’s led groups all over the world and she’s got a lot more planned.

A couple of weeks after I got back, I got an e-mail from her, and even though she and I didn’t have time to chat then, we’ve made-up for it since. We chatted back and forth for a bit, and just this past week we got together for lunch.

Since getting back into this travel thing is new to me and old hat to her, I had a few questions, and she obliged. Bottom line, if you’re looking for a small group tour–women, men, couples, singles, hiking and climbing or not–I have a feeling she’d be a great guide… and that she’s probably got a package for you.

A note here: I meant to ask June for some solo travel tips when we were chatting, which I think can be helpful for almost anyone. Of course, I forgot, but she was kind enough to e-mail me some thoughts. Here is what she said:

Educate yourself so that you have an idea about where you’re going; some cultures can be a shock for us privileged.

Have patience with those in your group who may have physical problems or small health issues.

Keep in mind there may have to be changes made in itinerary because of weather or unforeseen circumstances.

Pack light: yeah, that’ll never happen, but I will keep trying to lighten it up.

For solo travelers: make sure you’re knowledgeable about where you’re going. Never be alone in a place that’s questionable. Follow your gut instinct about safety–your gut is usually right.

Best advice: don’t expect someone else to make your trip wonderful. It’s up to you. Figure out what you want to do and the rest falls into place.